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Archive for the ‘Iam’ Category

I know way too many people here right now, that I didn’t know last year, who the fuck are y’all? I’m living life right now, and that’s what Imma do ‘till its over, but its far from over.

Yeah. Those are some of the lyrics for Over. I know way too many people i didn’t know last year. Who the fuck are y’all?! I swear to God, I don’t remember having French friends. Actually, I never pictured myself living in France, speaking French with the French. Nevertheless, there I was, hanging out and just letting time pass by.

Wallan, Shems y Kiko knocked the door. Now, when living in exile, only the toughest survive. So, how can you tell if a guy is tough? Alies my friend. Kenya, Ireland, and Sudan had my back. Also, two important keywords are time and place. At that time it was only 1:00 AM. Three months ago, it would’ve been already late, but I’ve manage myself to rearrange my schedule, and even though it was already «the day after», we felt that it was barely 22:00hrs. But when it comes to defining the place, oh la la, hang on, because this shit right here nigga, this shit right here?! With the door opened, and the three frenchman standing in front of it, their world was quickly divided into Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell. Hell meaning cold, rainy night; Purgatory meaning the space between my flat and the street; and of course Heaven meaning The Black Hole.

A huge wave of love, warmness and affection hit my new friends in a matter of 5 seconds. The mother nature and its gravity force were pulling the three of them to the insides of L’Ambassade Venezuelienne. A white paper bag was guilty of hiding 70 cl of Smirnoff and 1 lt of Campbell’s. And we, ourselves, were guilty as charged of wasting these opportunities and throwing them into the bucket of forgettable nights. Because sometimes, we’re fooled by our aspirations. Make up, good cloth, the newest perfume, and a perfect and fluent French won’t make him or her a better friend! No, silly boy. So when people is basically killing themselves to own the best looking friends ever, why won’t you give the ugly guy a shot? Why don’t you go ahead and talk to the fat girl instead of going straight to the hottest one as usual, pretending the bestest of intentions and calling yourself the best friend ever, but knowing on the inside that you can’t stop picturing her naked laying on the sand. Life is an overwhelming routine, and it is our job to make it interesting, don’t you think? So, please, and this goes to all of y’all, don’t get scared when a guy says that he did some time. Try to concentrate and forget about those seizure attacks you were going  to have 5 minutes ago. Don’t stare at the tooth he is missing, nor his big-ass scar that goes from his left ear to his right elbow. Don’t mention prison, and PLEASE, Do Not Ask Him Why Did He Went There. Because normally, the answers you’ll get wont be: «I stole 50 euros», it would be more like «I was drunk and killed 3 Latin mother fuckers», so just save yourself that trouble and please, once more, don’t start making weird faces when the guys says «Yo habla Español porque aprender en carcel Alicante, Espagna! Yo no soy un puto maricon de mierda».

Ok, so at first, I was scared as hell. The guy poured himself a drink. Vodka with fanta orange. Literally, 3 quarters of vodka, and nearly 2 skinny fingers of soda. He asked me to play a song for him. Locked Up – Akon Feat Booba. I really don’t think he liked that song out of mere coincidence.  «But instead I’m here LOCKED UP!» Damn. I have to admit, i didn’t think i would ever see my TV again. But that’s when I thought twice. This is just a normal guy. And even though I didn’t know why the hell did he go to jail in Alicante, he seemed pretty normal. His friends, which I already knew, seemed to care a lot about him. «il est toujours le clown du groupe, il fait rire tout le monde, mais pas parce qu’il est drôle, mais parce qu’il est toujours mort» He is always the clown of the group, but not because he is funny, but because he is always fucked up.

My good friend Douglas rang me. He was just outside, and when he joined the party, everything turned technicolor. Hypnotized by the green grass of the fifa pitch, and then kept hostages by the red, grey, blue, green, and black poker chips. We played, music and games. We drank, vodka and whisky. «Did you guys ate something?» Hell no! We ate yesterday!

So, get a load of the scene. Good friends paying poker. Three different languages were on the table, but we spoke one that we all understood. It is not French, nor English, or Spanish. Only with a sudden movement of your lips you can let everybody know that your ok. Only with knocking on the table lets them know that you’re checking. Poking the guy next to me on his leg meant, look at the ex-con, he’s going wild! It didn’t matter that the three F’s were born in Lyon. It didn’t matter that the figarriet sitting next to me had nearly 3 passports. Or the fact that the guy wearing the blue top wanted to be a Swiss Guard. Last night, we all came from the same place. We all understood each other, not only for communicating, but we all felt our pain, we all had known pain and suffering at least once before. So no matter how many cultural obstacles we faced, we all acknowledged each other, and even though we were in heaven, it was funny as hell.

Hours passed. So quickly actually. Driven against our will to a underground world of rap francais and an all-u-can-drink contest. Betting, drinking, cursing, using God’s name in vain, among others; «Shame On You», Rastafari cried from up above. My man Willy, or Wallan, was still standing. «T’est Possede!», they yelled at him, but he couldn’t process a better answer than «estoy loco amigo, muy loco. El Pollo Loco!». He was walking straight forward until he ran into the tulip field. The sun was up and the annoying sound of real life was trying to mess our stereo up, but we didn’t let him. Tuned a little Rasta and started to sing. My man Alborosie left, but that didn’t stop us. True, we were missing one guy, but suddenly I stopped missing him and started to look at the B.I.G couch I had just for me-self.

7:00 AM. Almost over. Still had energy. Shit, if Wallan had energy, I might as well. Monday morning and les boulangeries already started to tempt us. Our good new friends gently invited us to go after that bitch they call Bakery and show her how real men eat, but thats the thing about living above a big hill, once you walk it down, you really don’t want to return, and much more if you just ingested two croissants au chocolate and five madeleines with a mug full of hot chocolate. So the offer didn’t sound that interesting. At least for me and for the Swiss Guard that was going to crash at my place.

12 Rounds. Action movie. Its impossible, no matter how early or late it is, to fall asleep. Not possible! Shoved the dvd into the playstation. «Turn off the lights man». Movie preview after movie preview. When the menu finally showed up: «Pon la pelicula pues!» Where’s the controller? Shit I don’t know man, by the tv. Fuck it. We both stared at the tv for several minutes. Next thing i remember, its was 10:00 am and I was heading to my bed to lay there for the next 8 hours. Now, it is 17:01, and these walls have another story to tell. Another secret to keep. Another story of 6 guys being guys. But most important than walls, WE have another story to tell. «Remember that day in your house that we were playing poker with the figarrietz, the french excon from Alicante, and Douglas?» Try to do that. Wake up and make up your mind. Make decisions, say to yourself «tomorrow, I’ll have another story to tell». You’ll see my friends, that after you do that, a day without an interesting story is like unsalted french fries or cake without icing.

C.

Ps:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           ☀ Wallan really went to prison because he was in Alicante, Spain clubbing, met a girl, did what he had to do, then his friend did the same, and the friend of his friend also. Later on,when they were leaving, the girl asked if she could had a lift to her place. They didn’t have enough gas, nor orientation, and kindly refused. The bitch went to the police and said that three guys just raped her. Ain’t that a bitch?                                                                                                                                                                                                       ☀ I wrote in English just for a friend. Don’t get used to it.

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La historia que estan a punto de escuchar es ficticia. Cualquier similitud entre sus personajes y personas de la vida real es totalmente coincidencial.

Son las 12:45 PM. El sol practicamente quemaba las cortinas y el desde su cama puede observar como hay una pequena nube de vapor acechandolo poco a poco. La cama huele igual y las almohadas consiguieron la posicion perfecta despues de horas tras horas de ensayo. Confirma la hora y chequea si lo han solicitado.

Sin tener ni idea lo que iba a pasar esa noche, el Superfucker se despierta, se cepilla los dientes y baja a ver la nevera. Ninguna de las dos comidas que se refugian en el refrigerador le provocan, asi que en vez de alimentarse con pan, el, tan seguro, se prepara un desayuno mejor que cualquier otro. Una cana que lo diferenciara del resto del mundo mundano.

Puede que escriba. El Superfucker es un poco bohemio. Lee para pasar el tiempo, subraya lo que le llama la atencion del libro y asi va armando la columna vertebral de lo que sera su proxima publicacion. Leyendo y dandole.

Musica. El Superfucker sabe como disfrutar casi cualquier tipo de musica. En mis experiencias por el sureste de la bahia de Bengal, he podido comprobar que todo depende del momento, y que los viejos Superfuckers utilizaban una tecnica 100 % util para esto. Cerraban los ojos y se imaginaban en alguna escena de pelicula. La que mas cuadrara con la cancion. Hip Hop? Cruizing on the ‘Lac. Reggae? Pa la playita. Techno, enrumbado o en el gimnasio. Obviamente, el Superfucker invensible no es. El vallenato, la cumbia y la bachata tienen un nivel de radioactividad lo suficientemente fuerte como para quemar las neuronas del Superfucker.

Es una criatura magnifica. Fantastica. El Superfucker se despierta sin tener que desear los buenos dias por telefono, pero si que lo prende y esta lleno de mensajes no leidos. El Superfucker casi no confia en nadie. Por eso es siempre a la hermana mayor a la que hay que acudir a la hora de tratar de comprender a estas asombrosas criaturas. El Superfucker suele revelarle todos sus secretos. Incluso hasta la la formula para el Elixir de la Vida.

Este especimen no se bana muy a menudo. Por lo menos no se mortifica por el hecho de no hacerlo. El Superfucker posee una condicion super incomoda. Condicion por la cual millones de centros de investigacion han dedicado horas extra de trabajo y examinacion. Su piel no logra convertir el fuerte contenido quimico del jabon o el shampoo sin que esto le produzca una dermatitis aguda. Si posee, o conoce a un Superfucker, la medida perfecta para saber cuando se tienen que banar es cuando el pelo, el cabello, ya brilla. Por consecuencia, el Superfucker puede pasar 3 dias con el mismo peinado, no por preferencia, sino por la inflexibilidad del cuero cabelludo y sus adyacencias. Jim Gordon, profesor de la unviersidad de Yale, experto en Fuckerology 101 dice: “Los Superfuckers de la antigua Roma tenian un dicho, un lema que inscribian en toda su ornamentacion, en sus joyas y que quedaria grabado en el viejo y gordo libro de la historia: “Podritus et Ressteadinobus” que traduce en la lengua castellana: “Podrido y Restiao”. Explicacion no hace falta.

El Superfucker posee una pequena particularidad. Su estricta dieta le prohibe ingerir alimentos antes de las 10:00AM, a menos de que no haya dormido y sea corrido desde la noche anterior. Sino, el Superfucker desayuna en su casa. Un buen desayuno casero. Arepas, Queso, Diablitos y Mantequilla. Mas nada. Luego de alimentarse regresa a sus aposentos, donde descansa, generalmente introduce su mano izquierda en el pantalon para darse una suerte de recompensa por haber bajado a comer y no pedir que le subieran la comida al cuarto. Y no es hasta despues de las 12:35 del mediodia, o incluso hasta mas tarde si es que el Superfucker duerme mas, que el Superfucker entra en accion. Via BB, via FB, sin importar el orden de la suma, el producto siempre es el mismo. Llega un colega Superfucker, llega otro. El tiempo pasa y ya es de noche.

Las noches de los Superfuckers no son comunes. Siempre terminan con alguna eventualidad atravesada. En realidad, las probabilidades de que un Superfucker haya tenido una noche normal son muy pocas. El significado de la palabra normal para estos especimenes hace tiempo que se difiere al que nosotros tomamos por “comun, habitual, etc”. Normal para un Superfucker es llegar a una casa donde un cuarteto de franceses tocan todo tipo de indie incluso hasta con un violin! Un remix de Sunday, Bloody Sunday de U2 con Get Up, Stand Up de Bob Marley. Sino; decirle a uno que otro amigo para que le paguen una visita. Se corre la voz, y el Superfucker termina en casa con:

Una checa que desde hace un ano guarda un pino al que llama George en su cuarto, pero se iba al dia siguiente y queria quemarlo al amanecer. Todos sentados en un circulo y un arbol en el medio.

Dos austriacos destruidos. El acento de Bruno es inconfundible.

Il Divo, uno de los varios sobrenombres para el italiano que le esta haciendo un lap dance a George.

Y uno que otro drama opacado por el dulce aroma de la propiedad  privada.

Asi se define un Superfucker. Podrido & Restiao

C.

Obviamente no me iba a despedir sin su playlist

Ur.anus

✡ Demain C’est Loin – Iam ✡

✡ Désolé – Sexion D’Assaut ✡

✡ Petit Frere – Iam ✡

✡ My Life – The Game Ft Lil Wayne ✡

✡ Hold Yuh – Gyptian Feat Nicki Minaj ✡

✡ As We Enter – NAS Feat Damian Marley ✡

✡ Another Likely Story – Au Revoir Simone ✡

✡ Bicycles – The Maccabees ✡

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